This year has been a difficult one for me. I really don’t know how to explain it….I feel like I am wandering in a wilderness and no matter where I turn there is darkness. Logically Know that I am not walking this road alone but I feel alone. I know one day I will look back (I Hope) and know that this will have worked out to my good but it the mean time I am not sure what to do. I am so angry, I don’t know how else to describe the feeling other than anger. I am trying not to let it consume me & work through it but where is the end? Just when I think I may be coming to the end of all of this, another issue pops up! All the years of being told how to feel and think, the years of being walked on, taken for granted are bringing my anger to the surface. I am told by my counselor that my feelings are perfectly normal but I feel VERY abnormal. I am re-evaluating EVERYTHING! My protective walls are getting bigger instead of smaller, my attitude stinks in just about every area of my life and I feel like I have just resigned myself to the fact that I am a miserable person. The voices in my head are really loud these days, you know the voice that says “you will NEVER measure up” “you will never be someone who makes a difference” … and for me right now just trying to block those voices is so tiring. I am trying to muddle my way through this mess I have made of my life so hopefully on the other side of it I will be a better person. So for me…I am GLAD this year is over! Bring on 2010, it can only get better!
My daughter asked me when I would start posting again because she is blogging again so I really do advise you to check out my daughter’s blog. She is such an encourager and growing in her faith by leaps & bounds. I wish I could post more encouraging words right now but my hope is that 2010 will bring new breakthroughs for me.
Thanks for stopping by & HAPPY NEW YEAR!