Wrestling with the Spirit!

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I have been wrestling with this post for a long time now, mostly because I know it’s going to be a doozy so please bear with me. There has been a battle going on for my mind for quite a while now and it’s really hard to share it because not all of it is clear to me yet but I really feel strongly that someone out there may be struggling with the same thing so I need to share it!

About 8 weeks ago I was confronted about some sin in my life, it was really hard to deal with(no one likes being told that they are wrong and that includes me). But I did not have a choice but to face this sin head on and find the root of it and pull it out! This sin was so ingrained in my normal thought patterns and daily life that it really was hard to recognize. I know I shared some of it in my post “The critical spirit & cancer“. In rooting this kind of sin in my life out it meant there was a gaping hole in my spirit from the root being pulled out….it was painful and oh man there are still some days I want to go back to what I know but God is calling me to leave that behind not just ignoring it but turning from it and walking a completely different road. Jesus has become so real to me and is revealing things to me almost daily but here are a few things I felt I should share! If you really want God to walk with you and reveal Himself to you then you need to understand a few things…..this is my journey!

1. Sin & God cannot co-exsist. If you are struggling and don’t feel the presence of God in your life and a peace that only He can give then can I suggest that you ask God to reveal if there is sin in your life? I could never figure out why I was always such an emotional basket case…. & why God felt so distant & in clearing up the sin and keeping a short list (daily asking God to reveal sin in my life) I have found peace that I cannot begin to explain. It doesn’t make my life easier or the struggles in my life go away…I can’t explain it except to say it feels like peace. I don’t lose it over the smallest things anymore…..my decisions are guided by the Spirit of God not by my anger or frustration. I was told today by my mentor that I look like a different person! I feel like a different person too!

2. Rebellion is a sin. In my rebellion I always did things my own way…..I drove fast, had a major case of road rage almost all the time when I was driving. I hid things from Barry so that he would not know I spent money on certain things, I would get mad when my husband would ask something simple of me like do a favor for him. I hate to tell you this ladies but manipulating things to get your way is deep seeded rebellion and it is not ok with God.
Yesterday I went shopping with a friend of mine and decided I was going to be upfront with Barry and talk to him about wanting to get some clothes. His immediate reaction was to say “NO, we just can’t afford it”. I wanted to argue with him so badly cause I wanted some new clothes but I decided that I would abide by my hubby’s wishes and do what he asked of me which was not to buy any clothes. It was so hard cause we went to my favorite store and there were major deals ladies, like 75% off summer stock. Let me just say I wrestled with my humanness in wanting to phone my hubby and manipulate things to get my way but I didn’t and I walked away from my favorite store with nothing. Later, after we left the store he phoned me to tell me that he changed his mind and that I should buy something nice for myself! Boy did that feel good, and I knew that God had done something major in me(plus I got a great deal on some new shoes & a purse, who hoooo). That is my story …. I am getting a major overhaul and God has taken something that was so ugly and turned it into something He could use. Now I am not telling you this to brag but I am telling you this so you can see what He can do if we let Him!

3. Pride is the root of all selfishness! Here is a few key phrases I hear allot……I deserve it, It’s my time, When can I be happy? I have used those phrases ….. but I am being convicted of pride big time in my life, like when I get irritated with someone because they don’t discipline their kids like I think they should, or when I get mad at someone driving in traffic…..when my husband doesn’t live up to my expectations, when I compare myself to others and think “man, I’m not so bad, look at so & so, I am glad I am not like them!” Where is your focus? When you think like this your shifting the blame or the focus to someone else to make yourself look better and that will rob you of compassion and love. It’s easy to love our friends but what about those people who are difficult to love? Are you ready for a little bit of truth? You know the saying, “the truth will set you free” well here it goes, straight from the bible.

Luke 6:7-30(msg)
“To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, gift wrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

31-34“Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that’s charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.

35-36“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst.”

Those are some really powerful verses, can I get an AMEN?

My mentor said this today. When the Holy Spirit lives in your life it’s like a cup of water that is full, but sin is like someone dumping some water out of that full glass, and if you don’t keep a short record with God of sin and continually ask to be refilled with the Holy Spirit before you know it your cup is empty and your life feels like it’s falling apart and your life feels out of control. You may think you are ok for a short period of time but you will always feel like something is missing & you need that water to come fill you up. Remember these verses from Psalms 23?

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

I truly can say now that I know what that feels like. God wakes me up before my alarm every morning gently whispering “Crystal come talk with me, I need to meet with you”! It’s so overwhelming because there is a Holy God who really wants to talk with me! I am feeling full, both emotionally and physically and I truly can say I love my life, I am so blessed! God has been revealing truth to me in my dreams and brought people into my life that can help me discern my dreams. I am in love folks, big time, His name is Jesus and HE KNOWS MY NAME!

I don’t know who this message was meant for but feel free to email(csmytreasure@gmail.com) me if you don’t feel comfortable leaving a comment and let me know. I want you to know that God cares about what you are going through and doesn’t want you to go through it alone! Again let me just say this ‘God is in Control’ people He really is! I am so glad cause I was messing up my life big time!


15 thoughts on “Wrestling with the Spirit!

  1. Crystal thank you so much for sharing this. Some examples you mentioned I have been there, they are not current struggles but ones the Lord had to break me (ie..hiding stuff).

    This is a powerful message, and I know I am blessed to have read it.

    Thank you for your transparency.

  2. Wow, this is a powerful post that will likely touch a few people who are struggling. My Dad shared most of these very same thoughts with me last year, when he realized that he had a critical spirit. He has since felt released from it.

    I’m back from vacation, so I thought I’d pop in and say, Hi!

  3. Bless you for sharing your beautiful heart, I know God will use this to help some hurting hearts.

  4. Wow, I hear you loud and clear. Have been dealing with some similar REALITY lately. So hard to release the familiar, especially when it leaves a temporary hole. Thankfully His truth will indeed continue to fill the hole while we remain out of the way! Blessings to you and your willingness to be so open and raw so that others may learn and grow!

  5. Crystal,
    this is an excellent post. Thanks for sharing and being real about this.I think most of us have similar areas and this was a very convicting entry.

  6. Hi very nice blog. Please feel free to check out my blog and my wordless wednesday pics thanks.

  7. Hi Crystal, I found your blog through Connie. What a powerful post that was. Thank you for sharing what’s on your heart! Feel free to visit my blog anytime.

  8. wow. what a powerful and heartfelt post! I”m there with ya! I’m so glad God is in control and not me!
    hugs my friend!

  9. it is so great to watch you grow through your blog and such an encouragement! when we love, God’s first commandment, THAT is when God is able to move through us. blessings to you Crystal! i am so blessed you have you as a blogging friend!

  10. This is great! Really really great! I get to thinking about what you said, and it struck a chord…thanks for sharing

  11. Amen to that! May God continue to give us all we need to leave behind destructive patterns in our lives. Your honesty is powerful and I’m praying for God’s joy and peace to fill your heart and mind as you continue this honest walk with Him…

  12. WOW, thanks for sharing Crystal. I used to be one who hid things from my husband figuring what he doesn’t know won’t hurt me… but it got me into BIG trouble and when I finally listened to the Lord and came clean, it was a huge relief and peace overflowed!! The coolest thing was that in giving it up and confessing He brought me out of the debt I got myself into! How awesome is our God!!!!

  13. Hi Crystal,
    Thank you for sharing so openly. The Lord is doing really good work in you and you are being obedient to allow.

    Rebellion is a feeling and catches us so by surprise. Anger, disappointment, hurt, any other emotion can and does set off rebellion in us. That feeling then leads us to do things that are not love and not obedience.

    Your discoveries are so important. I praise our Lord for your willingness to share and to identify matters. Thank you.
    Bless you.

  14. Sounds like God is ‘working you over’ like He did me several years ago. It is amazing, isn’t it 🙂 – Although I still have some pride issues, but they have gotten less – as long as I let Him work on me.

    You know “love your enemy” is much easier these days. I am sure that I will still have trouble down the road, but I know that He will turn my anger into prayer for them…

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart, Crystal…

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