A Post about my Teenagers

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This is a post about the greatest teenagers in the World……and a few quirky things in our world!
*Disclaimer* – Please don’t try any of these techniques unless you want great kids

Whose fault is it?

“When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing each other. ” ~Alan Alda

We laugh allot together…..and at each other.

He tries to be serious and all I have to say is Fuzzy Pickles and he loses his composure…I really don’t know what is so funny about Fuzzy Pickles…it’s just funny at our house! My boy has an amazing sense of humor…..he got it from his Dad I am sure. Easy going, Funny, Lazy & Stubborn(a passive aggressive stubborn) are all words I would use to describe this teenager. Most effective form of discipline?…..I’ll let you know when I figure it out. Grounding Him does nothing for him because he loves being at home…..I struggle getting him to go out. We have taken Xbox away which seems somewhat effective but something new we are trying is push ups. For Lying & a disrespectful attitude (talking back)125 push ups – all together. We also have started the point system for rewarding responsible behavior (the reward with this boy must come quickly or else he loses interest in doing the point system)….see below.

Tell them you love them no matter what……take the time every day! Our ritual before school…
Brandon – Mom I’m leaving, Mom – Ok, have a great day at school, I love you! Brandon – I love you to Mom!(rolling his eyes).
Cassandra – I have to go Mom, Mom – Ok have a great day at school babe, I love you! Cassandra – I love you too Mom (she plants a kiss)

My Babe is the quirkiest girl, somewhere between a tom boy & a girly girl is my baby. She is organized, Cheerful & outgoing, Bossy & Stubborn(as in I will not do it) are words I would use to describe this teenager. She is a control freak…..she must have acquired that from me…..she reminds me of stuff that needs to get done and she tends to mother everyone, she absolutely loves to babysit, she will actually plan stuff to do for each babysitting job, especially if the kids are a little older, she truly is an amazing babysitter. Most effective form of discipline is to ground her…..she needs to be social…..so take that away and she’s putty in my hands. Again with the new point system we are using……she works really hard for her points so I think it’s going to be a great thing over all.

We sit down for dinner together almost every night……..at the dinner table we talk about everything from how their days went at school to funny things that happened during the course of the day. That half hour is one I really look forward to in my day……

The family is a haven in a heartless world. ~Attributed to Christopher Lasch

Know your kids currency…….The Point System I am using……

I made a list of each of their responsibilities and what day they needed to do them….
What I found is that my teenagers operate the best when they know what is expected of them at all times.

Points are given for each responsibility on the list except for the top 3 which are basic no brainer things they should do everyday (trust me if I don’t put it on the list, my boy will not do it).
Half a point for everything other than the top 3. Points are totaled at the end of the week and we keep a running total. (They usually accumulate about 25 points a week) Points can be used for youth ski trips, going out for coffee with a friend, anything that basically requires money or a sleep over which is extra work for me. Points are taken away for bad attitudes (after 1 warning), for not completing their assigned tasks by the end of the day. They can earn extra points by doing extra chores in a day that are not on their list as well…….they can also take their points and turn it into cash for their bank account.

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. ~Josh Billings

Here are the benefits to my system that I have seen so far……

1. I do not nag them about their chores
2. I check the list at the end of the day so points are awarded then or taken away then. I explain the why to them the next day if there were point deducted, so no yelling at them.
3. I see the points they have accumulated and then I have no problem allowing them to have privileges because I associate points with obedient hearts & attitudes, who wouldn’t want to reward that?

Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy. ~Robert A. Heinlein

I have had many friends comment on how many chores my kids have so here is my philosophy….I am teaching my kids responsibility……..I am teaching them to be helpful…..they have ownership in how the house looks and is kept so they know how much work it is to clean up so they don’t mess it up as much ….. this works at their friends houses too I noticed……they will be more likely to help out when at someone else’s house.

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

My biggest obstacle as a parent of a teenager is that most of the kids my kids hang out with have little or no responsibility so I am constantly battling “So & so never has to do this” “So & so can do this!” and my answer to both statements are always “I am not a parent to So & So, so therefore I couldn’t care less what they do or don’t do….I am a parent to you and I care about what kind of a person you will turn out to be…..” and I proceed to list for them all the benefits of learning to do the stuff they are doing now……(which they hate by the way). I don’t watch their every move…….I am not overprotective of them (although my husband would probably disagree with that statement) I am teaching them to be independent thinkers & workers…..but they have boundaries……I care about where they are at all times, I know their friends.

Time for another disclaimer……..I know that I am not the best parent by any space of the imagination……..there are things I do that I should not do…..sometimes I yell at my kids……sometimes Barry & fight in front of our kids……..but we are trying hard to be the parents we think God expects us to be. The statement we use allot these days……ok…..it’s time to parent on purpose!

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it. ~Haim Ginott

and a closing quote I just love……

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family

Feel free to share what works for you & your kids……..Join me in parenting on purpose!


5 thoughts on “A Post about my Teenagers

  1. Great system Crystal. Our chore chart isn’t quite that big yet, but I am a firm believer that our children need discipline and responsibilities.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Finally another mother who gives her kids chores! I hear the same thing at my house “no one else in my class has to do chores” A quote I once heard is that “children often feel like guests in the home because they have no reponsibility other than to live there” I love your point system. I used contracts that are explained in the book “parenting your out of control teenager” by Scott Sells No my teens were not out of control, but someone said it was good for the little things too, so I bought it. Best thing I ever did. However I would like them to earn being able to have friends over. You must be a really cool mom! Thanks for visiting my blog. Happy blog party!

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