Rant to follow…..

Ok so I enjoy watching the occasional Dr. Phil……..but………last week he ran a show with Dr. William Sears & sons that just burns me. I am very passionate about this topic so please don’t take offense but I really strongly disagree with 2 things that were said on that show.
1st that spanking is ineffective – Dr. William Sears stated that over the last 40 years in his research that spanking does not help in disciplining your children, in fact it may damage them. I would really like to see the research done on the last 40 years of the moral decline of our culture……..Where children think it’s ok to take a gun to school and shoot their teachers and peers……..where disrespect of authority is running rampant, where the increase in sexual predators is on the increase…..not decline……where vandalism and trashing someone else’s property is increasing at a rapid pace, mental illness is on the rise as well……children who suffer from depression and are on adult doses of medication. Where children are the boss in their home……..not the parents…….tell me where that comes from? I am sooo frustrated about this because as a Christian we have a responsibility to teach and train our children to grow up to be responsible adults but so many parents just shrug it off and say……oh it’s just a stage! I see it all around me………and you know what…..it’s worse in the church than anywhere else. Parents who are checked out and not teaching their children respect for authority, to have healthy boundaries set, heaven forbid we actually enforce rules in the home! Kids who tell their parents off on a regular basis……….it just shocks me every time it happens around me………..it shouldn’t but it does. My kids come home from school and want to do all the stuff that their friends do……things that my kids are not allowed to do…….talk like their friends talk to their parents….and you know what….it doesn’t work for me! When I grew up if we disrespected our parents there would be severe consequences…..We learned to respect others and their property, that was the norm when I was growing up, but we are the odd ones now……..the ones looked down on because we say NO to our kids, we have rules that must be followed……we FORCE (or if you like….our children just know that Sunday means church……..Wednesday means they are going to Youth)our children to go to church, to learn God’s word………we don’t ask them if they want to……….of course given the opportunity they will say no………..it’s our human nature to turn away from God not toward Him but I am teaching them that we don’t always do the things we want to do, we do the things we know are right. There are so many disillusioned adults out there because they can’t figure out why life is not going their way………because they always got what they wanted when they were growing up……..why doesn’t the world cater to them like that too? I for one do not want my kids to be constantly disappointed when face with a NO, ……….I am teaching them to handle their disappointments, it is a part of life! I am not saying that spanking as in beating your kids to a pulp is ok……..never discipline in anger…..even when you use time out………wait until you are calm……..it’s not the means of discipline thats most important……..it’s the consistency but please for heaven’s sake and for the sake of your child’s health & well being as an adult…………DO SOMETHING!
What about God’s word that says in Proverbs 13:24
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Here’s the other thing I have a problem with that was said……..Don’t let your baby cry…….it damages their brains……….hmmmm well babies are fairly simple creatures……..if they know you will come every time they cry……..they will learn to do it more and more just to get what they want……which is for you to hold them……..coddle them ………..now before you get all in a tizzy…..I am not for letting them cry endlessly without checking what is going on with them……..I am just saying don’t go and pick them up every time………I love my kids, I held them when they needed holding, fed them at the appropriate times, changed their diapers……….but there were days sometimes for long periods of time I let them cry………..they have turned out just fine thank you very much…….and they learned that they did not always get what they wanted……..that is life…….we don’t always get what we want!
Ok no I am not a child development specialist, I don’t have a Dr. in front of my name……but for supposed smart people they are sooo dumb in my view. They throw up all the studies they are sooo proud of declaring on national television that they know what is best for my child and yet when I look at the last 40 years, during their time of studies, I am not seeing allot that we have to be proud of us parents, are you? I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I fail allot but I do take my job of raising my children up in the fear of the Lord very seriously……..someday I will have to stand before God be accountable for their lives who He entrusted into my care. This job of raising my children is a gift……….neglecting them and not giving them boundaries, is just as much child abuse as hitting them with a whip. I teach them that unconditional love means I want them to grow up as responsible adults who respect authority & so I give them boundaries and consequences……..well that just seems smart to me. Here’s a verse I cling to as I raise my children with the Lords’ help.
Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

One of our speakers this weekend said that the thing we should be the most concerned about in our North American culture is not terrorism, or drug abuse or alcohol abuse……these are all symptoms of a much bigger problem. The biggest problem facing our society is Parents(specifically Fathers) who are either not involved, or checked out of their kids lives. Here are some stats to consider from Josh McDowall’s studies……..
Kids who are raise in single parent home are 30% more likely to abuse drugs & alcohol. Kids who are raise in two parent home where the parents are checked out and show no affection and don’t teach their children that they love them unconditionally are 78% more likely to rebel, get into drugs and alcohol…….now those are stats I want to know about……

Whatever you do though……….Tell your kids that you love them……..be involved in their lives…..”Train them up”… It’s YOUR JOB!

I am sure that you may agree or disagree with some of my thoughts and I want you to feel free to share how you feel but…..please be kind……

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10 thoughts on “Rant to follow…..

  1. I don’t spank,but Scott has on occasion when it’s been a very serious matter. It hasn’t been often. I am completely happy with the choices that Scott and I have made with regard to discipline. My children aren’t spoiled brats…they are respectful, kind and have well manners. They aren’t perfect but I am proud of how they are.
    I believe it is a personal decision. There are lots of reasons why a family may not spank and it’s not our place to put judgement on the reasons why a family does or doesn’t.
    The most important thing I believe is that there is a consistent form of discipline. Taking away privlegages work for our boys. We always follow through as well.
    I treat my boys with respect.(I know you do as well!) What irks me is the mother in the grocery store that is screaming and belittling their child…that is wrong. Children need to know that they matter. It builds their self esteem and self worth.
    Three years ago I began to say to my boys, “did you know that out of all the billions of boys…we got the 3 best!”(saw this on a talk show…Dr Phil)and Jonas piped up, “Yeah I’ve known that all along!”
    I always let the babies cry and fuss for awhile. But again, each to their own!
    Thanks for sharing! I always love your rants!!LOL

  2. I agree wholeheartly with you Jenny…the lady in the grocery store that belittles her kids drives me nuts too…..thanks for sharing your feelings!
    Blessings

  3. i agree, i agree, i agree! i HATE spanking Kamryn – but it really does make a difference in her actions. We have tried time-outs, we have tried a whole bunch of things!!! i really don’t want people to think i abuse my kids but only spanking has worked. maybe for our next child, something different will work better. it’s not the physical pain that influences her, it’s her hurt feelings – which makes me feel bad sometimes, but it really has worked for her. so like Jenny said – to each thier own – i just know that it works for me.

  4. Well, I must say I very much enjoyed your ‘rant’! There were many thoughts that came to mind as I was reading…I hope I am able to recollect them all as I respond in this comment..;). First off, I think Dr. Phil is a very intelligent man…however, I do not care for his show. I believe that he is very much a media hound and will bring to the forefront all the topics that will get the most viewers. Now, let me also say that I have nver spanked, slapped, smacked..etc. our daughter..and neither has my husband. Now, this is not to say that I am against spanking, I am just saying that our daughter had the type of temperament as a little one where other forms of discipline worked just as well…and are continuing to get good results as she heads into the tweenager years. Just as a side note…I teach Human Growth and Development…just so you know where I am coming from ;)….and I love the class where I present the subject of discipline. I also give different case scenarios and ask the students….do you as parents have a choice in how you respond to your child’s misbehavior given these circumstances…and I present them with the scenarios. Of course the responses vary. As professional in the field of psychology you may be surprised tohear me say that I am against any type of self-help book, parenting book, etc…that expounds only one way to handle a child…why?? because no one but me is a parent to MY child…case closed. Every parent must work within their values and beliefs and the temperament of their child….and prayerfully looking to God. Good for you for taking a ‘stand’…your post would make a good letter to the show’s producer 😉

  5. lol, go sister go! I agree and give you an amen 🙂 The Bible is quite clear on how God desires us to walk with our kids, He wants us to parent the same way He parents us. God cares more about our character than our comfort, just the same, we need to care more about the charaters of our kids than their comfort. The enemy has done such a good job at blinding todays parents, no spanking, no boundaries, only love…. Hello, love without discipline isn’t love! Yeah……I could go on, but I’d just be repeating what you’ve already said. I completely agree with you, it is very biblical, whic means it’s truth.

  6. k after writting my comment I went and read the other comments….I want to also say that I agree with Sissy’s comment as well. The word commands us to “train up a child in the way HE/SHE should go, according to THEIR BENT….”
    So yeah, just wanted to add that agreement

  7. Thank you everyone for your thoughts….not just because you guys agreed with me but because you were honest….I truly appreciate your thoughts. It’s nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way!

  8. I haven’t watched much of Dr. Phil because I don’t watch much tv however I do know that God disciplines those he loves and if your little one needs a spanking to get his attention, to know how to respect someone in authority than that’s what he/she needs. My husband and I work with at risk boys from broken homes where the dad is pretty much out of the picture. These boys when they come, have no respect for anyone or anything. When we get them they are to old to spank however we consequence with manual labor, 10 pushups for a cuss word, digging a fence post hole for not getting along with someone, for the hole they put themselves in. We teach these boys tough love, and no matter what they do we love them, not their actions. These boys come from being able to do what ever they want because it was too hard for a single parent, to discipline them. So they have gotten into drugs, alcohol, gangs or trouble with the law. Now at our place they have to be consequenced on a daily basis, to teach them how to act as a respectful young man. I agree we need to Proverbs 22:6
    “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

    I agree with you 100% Chrystal train them it’s your job! Great post.

  9. OOOOOOO, this is my kind of post!
    you preach it sister! The bible is clear, and it’s full of how to train up our children. THE ROD….
    We have fallen away from the basic manual of the word of God. I have done both, spank out of anger and spank out of love. As I have grown and matured, I have seen both sides of the consequences. God is good, and His mercy is making up for the mistakes I’ve made with Noah. But with Faith, the fruit is unbelieveable. The word actually does work!! (insert sarcasm here)
    Children feel secure, loved, and there is a special protection and authority over them when we do it the way God has instructed us to. The word is also very clear on God disciplining us as children. I love discipline,…not at the time, but I know how much good can really come out of it in the end!

    The thing about the rod is that when they are young, that is when the training happens. As they get older, the rod becomes a thing of the past and there is alot more sheparding of the heart. The first 2 to 4 years of life is laying the ground foundation that they are not the boss….you are. It’s rooting out a majority of the rebellion so that when they are older, they are able, with soft ready hearts to hear instruction, correction, teaching and commands….

    I am so with you on this and we do need to make a stand as parents in this day and age. IT”S FOR OUR CHILDRENS SAKE, not for us, but FOR THEM!!!!

    THank you so very much for being honest, vocal and real in this.

    People really have thrown out the baby with the bathwater when it comes to spanking. We’ve been decieved as a society. Spanking is healthy, loving and for their own good. I think we have also lost the ability as a society to use the rod and spanking in a healthy way. we have waited too long to implement discipline and by then, the parent is frustrated, angry and resentful. If we started BEFORE BEFORE there was a rebellion problem….we wouln’t be so angry with our kids.

  10. Wow, you go girl! I agree with you on both counts. On the first, when I was in school for education and had my time to observe a middle school teacher, I asked her about discipline. She did something very interesting. SHe said to the class, “Which ones of you have parents who spank?” The non-behavior problems all raised their hands. It was a true eye-opener! I was spanked as a child, not often but when needed. I respect that decision and use spanking as a tool in my childrearing box occasionally.

    On the other point, I know so many people whose children go to bed so late; the parents are exhausted and they always ask me how I get my kids to sleep so well (all 3 are in bed by 8 and rarely get up). I have come to the point of saying, “I started when they were babies.” I let them cry for periods of time to learn to fall asleep on their own and Mom and Dad’s bed was always that, Mom and Dad’s bed.

    Sorry so long! Thanks for posting your thoughts!

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