Frustration PT 2

Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post, I know it’s my own fault that I got into that pattern of thinking so I hope no one was offended. I am soooo human and it seems that when I am reminded of that, that there are another 4 or 5 things that happen in a row to make you feel lower, than low!
Today has been a really difficult day……I got a phone call that left me really disappointed & hurt……I won’t go into detail……but it’s really made me doubt myself, doubt my calling. All I can hear is the voice in my head that says “YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER, just give up, don’t bother, just stick to yourself”. Anybody that knows me, knows I have HUGE trust issue’s……I have trouble believing that I even deserve anything good happening to me……and when stuff like this happens it really just reaffirms that voice.
It’s so hard to hear God’s voice in the middle of all of this, because He doesn’t yell like this voice in my head does……..His voice is that peaceful reassuring voice……..that one that is accusing me is much louder. At this point I have two choices, I can continue to doubt myself and keep beating myself up, take it out on those around me and eat myself into oblivion OR I can allow myself to be disappointed but not destroyed and be like David and say;

1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.
2 I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.
3 He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends his love and his faithfulness.
4 I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts— men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords.
5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.
6 They spread a net for my feet— I was bowed down in distress. They dug a pit in my path—but they have fallen into it themselves.
7 My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
8 Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn.
9 I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.
10 For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.

Psalms 57

I really do have a choice, it’s just really hard to make the right choice when all I want to do is scream, cry and argue with God that life is not fair.
I am soooo glad that God loves me even in this place.


2 thoughts on “Frustration PT 2

  1. Crystal, first, in ref to your previous post, I think it’s good for everyone to re-analyze why they blog. I have also done that, and it seems that you must come to a place where you either care what people think, or you don’t. You have to come to a place where you say “am I doing this for me” or am I doing this for others” or “am I doing this for God”. When we are doing it for God, there is no wrong way.

    Second, I want you to know that you are beautiful! You have been a blessing to me with your openess and quoting scripture. I will pray that satans lies are destroyed in your life, and you accept the life that God has planned for you for complete healing and wholeness from past hurts.

    And the eating. I’ve been there sister! YOU DESERVE A HEALTHY STRONG BODY! And you are on your way. Give satan a swift slap and eat the carrot instead of the brownie. Give that beautiful person the nutrition she needs to be a healthy whole woman of God! God said it’s a fight. He calls it “the good fight” to give you good things. I will uphold you in prayer!

    Tomorrow’s a new day. God bless you Crystal!!

  2. You really got me thinking about this… I went back and re-wrote the post that you recently commented on. I hope you don’t mind but I linked to your blog in this new post. I am looking forward to reading your blog in the future.

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