Facing my fears

I recently had a conversation with a friend and we talked about me leading worship…..I have come to realize I may never lead worship again in another church. I think I have said it out loud now at least twice and this scares me because I know it’s something I was built for……..It’s my gift. I am trusting God with this fear because I really have realized this last week how much I am human and fail him. The reality for me is that if people really knew me……..Which some have come to do…..They would not like how I represent God……….Which I have faced allot of in the last few months. I am coming to understand that I will be more under attack from the enemy then ever before because of my desire to move forward into ministry.

This has really prompted me to really go and study more on how I need to be ready for the attacks when they come……….Be ready to recognize it……….Stand up to it………..And move forward in spite of it. Don’t get me wrong…….I have a huge amount of work to do in my life to grow up spiritually………I will never be someone who can say “I have arrived”! Maturity comes from learning from your mistakes and not letting the same thing happen! This is one verse I need to apply more in my life……..

Ephesians 6:13-19
Use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere.

We are in a battle people….The sooner we recognize it, the sooner we can recognize the attacks for what they are and fight the battle better……And we are better together! In spite of our faults…Praying for each other…..

Matthew 18:19-20
“I also tell you this: If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together because they are mine, I am there among them.”

You may be like me and feel like you have been beat up allot, especially by people who are suppose to love you, but if you recognize the attack as an attack from the enemy instead of looking at the people who have delivered the attack because……..

For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

Reality is that we are suppose to expect the attacks…..Not be surprised by them! This is what frustrates me………I should know better …..Not get all up in a huff when opposition, discouragement or condemnation comes. It comes with the territory. In the past depression told hold of my life because I didn’t realize this simple fact. This verse has really impacted me lately because I am realizing that God is setting me apart….Teaching me that I can’t be everyone’s friend! I know he wants me to do my best to “live at peace with all men” but the fact of the matter is that I will be criticized, persecuted, ridiculed for my faith, even by Christians who sit in judgment over me.

Matthew 5:11-12 “God blesses you when you are mocked and persecuted and lied about because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted, too.”

Wow this blog has taken me further than I thought it would………..I am feeling allot better about this road God is leading me down, and I may never lead Worship again in a public setting but that is ok..My life will be a living testimony of Worship (hopefully)…It’s not always about music..It’s about the journey…Continually struggling to be who He created me to be!

There you have it………Mistakes and all……..I will move forward and pursue being a extravagant Worshipper……I invite you to join me in the journey! Wink


2 thoughts on “Facing my fears

  1. Thank you for sharing crystal. The thing that keeps coming to me, only because God keeps telling it to ME is that as long as we are open and humble to change and concentrate on doing our part, he does the rest. The battle is His, He’ll fight it for you. What I find I need to do is keep my heart in a place that I am teachable, ready to move, give up whatever he’s calling me to, repent at any moment. Asking God to search my heart at all times. Then I find a greater reaping of a good harvest.
    I see a great desire in you to walk rightly. God has you in a good spot. Seek ye first and everything else is added. Keep on truckin.
    Love ya!

  2. You are right carebear…..the battle is his…..hmmm…..an idea for my next post maybe?? It’s a good reminder to know that we are never in this battle on our own

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