A Purpose Driven Life

I am done reading the Purpose driven life and there are many challenges I faced reading that book because I really realised that I live my life randomly, not purposely. I often have thought that I need to be more deliberate about my life but nothing ever changes and I don’t know why.
Maybe its just laziness, not sure. The last chapter said to write down the character qualities that you want to improve in yourself and journal your progress……..its about being a deliberate christian….one that will attract others to Christ! Its a hard process though because that means everywhere I go I am “salt and light” and there are no days off. Things I need to improve on….
hmmmm….well I have been told several times in the last few months that I am hard to be around. Not sure what that means exactly because its been said around me, not to me but that is definately something I would like to change. I will have to figure out what that means exactly first of course……..I want to have more fun, be a fun person to be around………..I want to be honest, in everything I do and say, sometimes I lie or exaggerate and I don’t even realise I do it until its done. Its very frustrating because its really not who I want to be! I want to be trustworthy, and known as unselfish! But more than that I realise that I am trying to hard to please people when I should be more concerned about pleasing God. Sometimes that will make me unpopular and criticized and I really need to be ok with that. I have been criticized allot lately and I am really trying not to take it personally…….trying not to feel sorry for myself. I am trying to just take it and evaluate it and then leave it! Forgive it and not carry with me to beat myself up with……because what people say to me is not nearly as bad as what I say to myself after. But along with that I want to develop friends that actually like me, don’t find it hard to be around me even when I am having a bad day and will let me say anything without thinking badly of me, and love me, warts and all! I really don’t think I have many friends like that right now……if I am really honest with myself and I think I may have one……but I don’t like being around anyone right now because I am scared that I will say something or do something wrong. I don’t feel like I can trust the people around me right now and that makes me really sad. I am not sure if that is something that is my problem or I am just picking the wrong people to surround me.
Its my Mom’s birthday today…..she turned 60….last night we threw her a surprise birthday party last night. We had 60-70 people come to her birthday party and we BBQ’d souvalki and made some salads. It turned out well and I am glad we could do that for her.
Well those are my thoughts for today…….Have a great day!

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2 thoughts on “A Purpose Driven Life

  1. I was just reading “Sue’s” blog entry last night about judging others. I’m really trying to not judge others, I’ve been thinking about and practising not to judge others over the past year, because I myself don’t like to be judged. It sounds to me that you have a lot of people judging you and wanting to change you for their own personal gain. Maybe you are surrounding yourself with the wrong kind of “friends”. Do you judge them right back? Just a question. I’ve come to the realization that in the end, what I think about others and their actions, lifestyles, choices, etc. It means nothing in the end. God is the one and only true Judge. What He thinks does matter, not me, not anyone else. I’m going to have to answer to Him in the end, not my friends or the people that surround me. So as hard as it is to not feel bad when people say things about you…judge you, in the end it doesn’t matter, what they think won’t matter to God, its His decision in the end. I have found that by being like this, its made things in my life a bit easier. I used to be a very negative person, some would say “hard to be around”, it started when we moved to Caronport for a year, I became very bitter about everything. Moving away from there really helped. I still catch myself being negative about some of lifes situations but catch myself and try to change my outlook. I really hope that you can figure this one all out, God will help you of course, you just need to ask. If you feel like you’re living the life that God wants you too, your trying your best, not necessarily doing your best, but tryin, then don’t feel guilty, you’ll get through it. Have a great day my friend, and I really mean that!

  2. What I see when I look at Crystal:
    I see a person who takes things very personally, even if they aren’t meant that way, and beats herself into an agry froth with it.
    I see someone who has grown up with a great deal of negativity and allows it to taint her perceptions so that even complements can seem hollow or packed with sarcasm when they are not.
    I see a person who has an emotional need to be loved and reassured but is afraid to accept that love and assurance to the point that it’s almost impossible for someone else to begin to reassure her.
    I see a person who God cares about as much as me, or the person you think is more important than you, or even the most holy person on the planet…because that’s who He is.
    I see a person who is willing to change, but unaware of what she needs to change and blames herself for that.
    Finally, I see a person called to the ministry of worship in the little town of Osler and no matter how inadaquate you think you are, He who is in you is bigger than any inadaquacy that could exist in you.

    I think that’s enough for today, hopefully something in there helps and I’m hopeing it didn’t earn me a heapin’ helpin’ of that “angry froth” =)

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