I am Chosen

Posted January 7, 2010 by Crystal
Categories: General Life, What is God doing?

I get these great little devotional’s from Max Lucado every morning, & this morning this particular devotional struck me;

I know those I have chosen.” John 13:18

Would you choose a wanted murderer to lead you out of bondage? Would you call upon a fugitive to carry the Ten Commandments? God did . . . Called his name through a burning bush. Scared old Moses right out of his shoes!

The reassuring lesson is clear. God . . . uses people to change the world. People! Not saints or superhumans or geniuses, but people.

My battle is constant & it is based on this lie I have bought into “I am not someone God could use”.  I know that Jesus Loves me, I even received a message from him through a friend of mine whose gift is prophetic about how much He loves me.  He shows me He loves me in so many ways and yet…I don’t believe Him!

So if I am chosen, what am I suppose to do with that?  I am just me, I love dogs more than people most days…I know most people do not understand that, especially my family, but that is my reality.  I know He created me this way but I feel guilty most days that I am not more connected to the people in my life.  My kids often have gotten the short end of the stick as far as having a plugged in mother.  My husband definitely doesn’t get the best of me so how can I be chosen?

I know all the logical answers, but I do not believe them because if I did, I would be different wouldn’t I?

If any of you have read my testimony you know that I have chosen to live in a fantasy world most of my life.  Its so much easier that dealing with the tough things…so this Journey of letting God have control is a very difficult one because relearning new habits and ways of thinking is really like starting over. I am re-examining everything, my values, my beliefs not only in who I am but in who God is.  Dealing with my anger is not easy either because behind that anger is a whole list of lies I have chosen to believe about myself & about God. It’s kind of like walking around in a dark room cluttered with old furniture trying to find the light switch, often you bump into things that are in the room that you thought were gone & things you thought were there are not where they are suppose to be…

So today’s small beam of light in this dark room is in this statement alone “I AM CHOSEN”

Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings

Dog Shows

Posted January 6, 2010 by Crystal
Categories: Pet Posts

Tags: , , ,

So I am really excited to hit the dog show circut again this year.  I’m getting my Westie ready…she is such a nice little dog.  We should do good this year with her I hope!

I am also purchasing my first Yorkie show dog, I am hoping to go and pick him up in February.  I wanted to introduce you to my first BOY dog ever….His name is NITRO  aka “Jala’s Explosively Charged”.  I am sooo excited to get him!  Showing him this year will be lots of fun

Jala's Explosively Charged aka Nitro

The Shows we are attending this year are;  March 5-7 – Prince Albert.  April 9-11 -Battleford.  April 30-May 2 – Saskatoon. July 2-4 -  Cold Lake, AB.  Sept 17-19 – Balgonie…..those are the shows we have decided on going to this year but there may be more depending on time & money.

My Friend Tanya & I & Cassandra will be going to all these shows together and I am looking forward to hanging out with my friend, my daugther and a whole bunch of dogs.  I know many people think I am strange but I really don’t care, the dog showing world is a whole new world and I love it.  I am learning so much everyday and there are more people just like me there, we have a blast!  There are always things that are discouraging, like the politics involved or the fact that it is a really expensive hobby but if you go in just looking to have fun, the politics & the expenses are a small burden to bear in the grand scheme of things.

It is a really cold day today, January is always a hard month for me but today the Sun is shining so it doesn’t seem as bad as it really is.  I hope you are are warm and cozy where ever you are today, Thanks for stopping by, OH & HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Making Sense of it all

Posted December 29, 2009 by Crystal
Categories: General Life

This year has been a difficult one for me.  I really don’t know how to explain it….I feel like I am wandering in a wilderness and no matter where I turn there is darkness.  Logically Know that I am not walking this road alone but I feel alone.  I know one day I will look back (I Hope) and know that this will have worked out to my good but it the mean time I am not sure what to do.   I am so angry, I don’t know how else to describe the feeling other than anger.  I am trying not to let it consume me & work through it but where is the end?  Just when I think I may be coming to the end of all of this, another issue pops up!  All the years of being told how to feel and think, the years of being walked on, taken for granted are bringing my anger to the surface.  I am told by my counselor that my feelings are perfectly normal but I feel VERY abnormal.  I am re-evaluating EVERYTHING!  My protective walls are getting bigger instead of smaller, my attitude stinks in just about every area of my life and I feel like I have just resigned myself to the fact that I am a miserable person.  The voices in my head are really loud these days, you know the voice that says “you will NEVER measure up”  “you will never be someone who makes a difference” … and for me right now just trying to block those voices is so tiring.  I am trying to muddle my way through this mess I have made of my life so hopefully on the other side of it I will be a better person.   So for me…I am GLAD this year is over!  Bring on 2010, it can only get better!

My daughter asked me when I would start posting again because she is blogging again so I really do advise you to check out my daughter’s blog. She is such an encourager and growing in her faith by leaps & bounds.  I wish I could post more encouraging words right now but my hope is that 2010 will bring new breakthroughs for me.

Thanks for stopping by & HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Blessings

Thankful Thursday

Posted September 3, 2009 by Crystal
Categories: Pet Posts, Thankful Thursday

Well it’s been awhile since I have participated in Thankful Thursday but it’s definitely a habit that I need to get back into so today here is my thankful list;

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  • These are my Yorkie puppies – They are 5 wks old today!  It’s hard to describe unless you are a crazy dog person like me but these little guys bring me so much joy.  I will only have them for 12 wks and then they will go to their new homes and seeing the people’s faces as they take their puppy home is also a Joy I cannot explain.

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  • This is Chiqui, she is my sister’s dog!  This weekend is the Saskatoon dog show and I have entered her in it.  I love dog shows and this will be my first show that I am participating in…she is also the reason I am up so early.  I could not sleep after 5 a.m. this morning because of all that I need to do to get her ready for the show this weekend :o)
  • Lastly I am thankful for the blessings in my life….my kids, my husband our home.  God is so good to me!

Thanks for stopping by!  Please visit Laurie @ Women Taking a Stand to participate in Thankful Thursday

Long Time No See

Posted September 1, 2009 by Crystal
Categories: General Life

Well it’s been a long time since I have been here and it kind of feels like coming back to a long lost friend! 

Working full time has taken allot out of me and sometimes I wonder how long I will be able to keep up the pace that I am going at right now.  I just changed jobs again, my last job was so stressful that I just had to leave.  The environment, the people….it was just a really difficult place to work and I finally after 10 months of working there just couldn’t do it anymore.  When your job is something that you dread every day it really is time to change jobs because it effects everything in your life.  It makes you more tired, always on edge and robs you of joy.  I have learnt that the older I get I must do things that bring me joy not rob me of it.  So I am now on a Journey to JOY! 

Learning to live in constant Joy is definitely hard for me since my natural tendancy is to be negative and look for things to complain about.  The verses in James 1 reminds me though that even in difficult circumstances that joy is possible but it must be a decision or an act of my will.  So with my whole being I am seeking JOY, to live constantly with a positive attitude and the mind of Christ.  I can only change me, I cannot control others or how they treat me, I can’t even control my kids and the decisions that they might make.   The stuff I am struggling with now is learning to say no to things that rob me of joy because I feel obligated to stay in the difficult circumstance like my job.  Where is that line between seeking JOY in EVERY circumstance and walking away when things just suck the life out of you.  I struggle with being TOO responsible sometimes, does anyone else feel this way?  I have always been the responsbile one, the person that you could count on no matter what to get the job done without counting the personal cost to me or my family.  Sometimes being responsible is a bad thing because guilt is my constant companion if I do not fufill all the obligations I agreed to do or say no to someones request of me.  At this point in my life I feel like I am not looking after myself properly because of my need to be responsible.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

So here is my list of things that bring me JOY today;

  • my teenagers – without a doubt they are the most wonderful Adults in training and I am so blessed that God gave them to me.  Is it hard raising teenagers?  YES but I would not trade it for anything in the world.
  • my dogs – they never talk back need I say more?
  • my puppies – my yorkie had 3 beautiful puppies and they are just the most beautiful things in the world right now.
  • camping – I love camping, I love being out somewhere new exploring and the beauty God has created.  I could live in my camper I love it so much.
  • my new job – it’s so much fun just trying out a whole bunch of different places.

Well those are my thoughts for today….I know not allot of people come here to read my blog anymore but if you do happen to stop by please take a minute to leave a comment and say HI.

Blessings

Dog Show in North Battleford

Posted April 15, 2009 by Crystal
Categories: Pet Posts

Tags: , ,

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Let me introduce you to my newest passion….showing dogs.  Ok so it’s not the best picture of me but look at the dog…her name is Chatty and last weekend she completed her championship(earned a total of 10 points in the show ring).

I was so honored that my friend Nancy not only asked me to support her this weekend but she also asked me to help show Rico.  It was my first time in the show ring and I did not do the best but it made me want to learn more about being a great handler.

rico

Now I know all of you are thinking…she’s always been a little crazy….and you know what…I think I am sometimes,  but this weekend I found a whole bunch of crazy men & women just like me and I had a blast.  There was no one saying ‘why do you want another dog?’  Everyone was just like me and could have 5 or 6 dogs or more…it felt so good to fit in just because of my love of dogs.  Now these guys are pretty special in my eyes because they are Yorkshire terriers,  there is something about this breed that just makes you fall in love instantly and all of you know my sweetie is a Yorkie.  She is the reason all of this began.

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Now this is Chiqui (Cheeky).  She is a Westie or West Highland White Terrier and she hopefully will be the dog I am showing in Fall of this year or spring of next year depending on how fast we can get her ready.

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Chiqui is my sister & brother in laws dog and she is a beauty. She’s only 7 months old but I can hardly wait to see her in the show ring.

Anyways that is the crazy dog lady’s update….I hope you enjoyed the pictures!

On the Precipice of Change

Posted April 4, 2009 by Crystal
Categories: What is God doing?

Tags: , ,

I have always prided myself in the fact that I don’t avoid conflict, that I stand and face the stuff that comes my way…do you hear a but coming?  I feel like I have been living in a dream world, that I have never had an idea of the what reality really is.

In January I started a class called Open hearts which is a support group for survivors of abuse.  Initially I decided to take it because someone suggested that I should lead a group sometime but I needed to go through it first.   It’s funny though because I have never really considered myself a survivor of abuse, in fact I have always thought I’ve had a pretty good life.  Yes there were rough spots but everyone has those right?   Let me just tell you….the last 11 weeks have been THE most difficult I have EVER had.  In the first few weeks we had to write our story beginning to end(I really had never thought I had a story until I wrote it all down).  I couldn’ t believe how painful that was, I cried for days.  A few weeks later I wrote a letter to my young self….here is a small part of it;

scan0001 Dear little Crystal

There are so many things that I would like you to know.  I wish I could love the little person that you are but I don’t even think I ever got to know you.  You had to grow up so fast and there was never time just to be a little girl….I wish you could have learned early how unique God created you and that He has a special reason for you to be on this earth, maybe if you would have known this you would not have wasted so much of your life feeling sorry for yourself and being angry.  Maybe you could have made more of a difference sooner if you would have let go of all your insecurities sooner, I really wish things could have been different for you.

The big Crystal

All of this is opening up issues, deep dark issues, you know, the kind you do not want anyone to know about that I must deal with and yet all week I have been struggling with wanting to crawl back into the dream world I have been living in.  I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and looking over the edge and trying to decide whether to jump over or not.  I desperately want to not have to deal with the “stuff” but I will never be who God wants me to be until I do and jump off this cliff I am on and have faith that He will take care of me.  I feel so ugly right now and don’t understand why God would even consider using me, I have wasted so much time.   I am so disappointed with myself!

This is a quote from the open hearts book from last week’s lesson “Those who are alive have feelings, emotions and thoughts to deal with.  You may feel more like a sinner now than when you were half dead.  Are you regressing?  No, to feel is to be alive.  Now you have to deal with reality and God.”

To feel is to be alive…I have to find a way to jump off the cliff I am standing on, & when I jump off there will be no going back to the old way of doing things.  Hopefully after I do I will feel better than I do now.


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