So today is really not a good day!  Things are just piling up for me!  The older I get the more I realize that I invest way to much energy into people and they disappoint me every time.  I am sure I am not the only one but there is a list of things just bugging me today.

I feel like I am invisible and that there is no one that really cares .  I guess I am a little old fashioned when it comes to actually keeping my word.  If I say I am going to do something I actually do it but it seems to be a rare quality in people these days.

I feel like I try really hard to be a good friend & stay in touch with people but lately I  feel like I could disappear and very few people with the exception of my Mom would notice.  We missed church for more than 5 weeks this summer and nobody noticed & that is kind of painful.  Then there is a friend of mine who is not a Christian and does not go to church but she misses me & gives me heck if I don’t call her or we don’t talk at least 3 or 4 times a week.  Something is wrong with that picture in my eyes when Christians are suppose to be known for their love for one another.  But then I think it must be me right? What is wrong with me as a person or even as a friend when the friends I thought I have don’t even notice when I am not around?  Am I under a delusion of some kind believing I have friends when I really don’t? Or is it a condition of our society that we don’t invest in peoples lives too much anymore because we are too busy with our own lives and/or don’t care to get involved to deeply for fear of getting hurt.  Or is it just me feeling sorry for myself? 

I am sure I will get over this at some point but more and more I feel like just packing in all in and disappearing to some corner of the earth.  BUT then the cycle would start all over with a whole new set of people who would let me down or hurt me or reject me in some way all over again. 

I guess it all comes back to this…we have to choose to keep doing the things we believe are right even when it’s not reciprocated and we have to choose to not dwell on the things that drag us down…but some days it is a really tough job.  Today is one of those days for me!

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. “

Phil 4:8

Blessings

Crystal

Well it’s been awhile since I have participated in Thankful Thursday but it’s definitely a habit that I need to get back into so today here is my thankful list;

• These are my Yorkie puppies – They are 5 wks old today!  It’s hard to describe unless you are a crazy dog person like me but these little guys bring me so much joy.  I will only have them for 12 wks and then they will go to their new homes and seeing the people’s faces as they take their puppy home is also a Joy I cannot explain.

• This is Chiqui, she is my sister’s dog!  This weekend is the Saskatoon dog show and I have entered her in it.  I love dog shows and this will be my first show that I am participating in…she is also the reason I am up so early.  I could not sleep after 5 a.m. this morning because of all that I need to do to get her ready for the show this weekend )
• Lastly I am thankful for the blessings in my life….my kids, my husband our home.  God is so good to me!

Thanks for stopping by!  Please visit Laurie @ Women Taking a Stand to participate in Thankful Thursday

Well it’s been a long time since I have been here and it kind of feels like coming back to a long lost friend! 

Working full time has taken allot out of me and sometimes I wonder how long I will be able to keep up the pace that I am going at right now.  I just changed jobs again, my last job was so stressful that I just had to leave.  The environment, the people….it was just a really difficult place to work and I finally after 10 months of working there just couldn’t do it anymore.  When your job is something that you dread every day it really is time to change jobs because it effects everything in your life.  It makes you more tired, always on edge and robs you of joy.  I have learnt that the older I get I must do things that bring me joy not rob me of it.  So I am now on a Journey to JOY! 

Learning to live in constant Joy is definitely hard for me since my natural tendancy is to be negative and look for things to complain about.  The verses in James 1 reminds me though that even in difficult circumstances that joy is possible but it must be a decision or an act of my will.  So with my whole being I am seeking JOY, to live constantly with a positive attitude and the mind of Christ.  I can only change me, I cannot control others or how they treat me, I can’t even control my kids and the decisions that they might make.   The stuff I am struggling with now is learning to say no to things that rob me of joy because I feel obligated to stay in the difficult circumstance like my job.  Where is that line between seeking JOY in EVERY circumstance and walking away when things just suck the life out of you.  I struggle with being TOO responsible sometimes, does anyone else feel this way?  I have always been the responsbile one, the person that you could count on no matter what to get the job done without counting the personal cost to me or my family.  Sometimes being responsible is a bad thing because guilt is my constant companion if I do not fufill all the obligations I agreed to do or say no to someones request of me.  At this point in my life I feel like I am not looking after myself properly because of my need to be responsible.  Am I the only one who feels this way?

So here is my list of things that bring me JOY today;

• my teenagers – without a doubt they are the most wonderful Adults in training and I am so blessed that God gave them to me.  Is it hard raising teenagers?  YES but I would not trade it for anything in the world.
• my dogs – they never talk back need I say more?
• my puppies – my yorkie had 3 beautiful puppies and they are just the most beautiful things in the world right now.
• camping – I love camping, I love being out somewhere new exploring and the beauty God has created.  I could live in my camper I love it so much.
• my new job – it’s so much fun just trying out a whole bunch of different places.

Well those are my thoughts for today….I know not allot of people come here to read my blog anymore but if you do happen to stop by please take a minute to leave a comment and say HI.

Blessings

Let me introduce you to my newest passion….showing dogs.  Ok so it’s not the best picture of me but look at the dog…her name is Chatty and last weekend she completed her championship(earned a total of 10 points in the show ring).

I was so honored that my friend Nancy not only asked me to support her this weekend but she also asked me to help show Rico.  It was my first time in the show ring and I did not do the best but it made me want to learn more about being a great handler.

Now I know all of you are thinking…she’s always been a little crazy….and you know what…I think I am sometimes,  but this weekend I found a whole bunch of crazy men & women just like me and I had a blast.  There was no one saying ‘why do you want another dog?’  Everyone was just like me and could have 5 or 6 dogs or more…it felt so good to fit in just because of my love of dogs.  Now these guys are pretty special in my eyes because they are Yorkshire terriers,  there is something about this breed that just makes you fall in love instantly and all of you know my sweetie is a Yorkie.  She is the reason all of this began.

Now this is Chiqui (Cheeky).  She is a Westie or West Highland White Terrier and she hopefully will be the dog I am showing in Fall of this year or spring of next year depending on how fast we can get her ready.

Chiqui is my sister & brother in laws dog and she is a beauty. She’s only 7 months old but I can hardly wait to see her in the show ring.

Anyways that is the crazy dog lady’s update….I hope you enjoyed the pictures!

I have always prided myself in the fact that I don’t avoid conflict, that I stand and face the stuff that comes my way…do you hear a but coming?  I feel like I have been living in a dream world, that I have never had an idea of the what reality really is.

In January I started a class called Open hearts which is a support group for survivors of abuse.  Initially I decided to take it because someone suggested that I should lead a group sometime but I needed to go through it first.   It’s funny though because I have never really considered myself a survivor of abuse, in fact I have always thought I’ve had a pretty good life.  Yes there were rough spots but everyone has those right?   Let me just tell you….the last 11 weeks have been THE most difficult I have EVER had.  In the first few weeks we had to write our story beginning to end(I really had never thought I had a story until I wrote it all down).  I couldn’ t believe how painful that was, I cried for days.  A few weeks later I wrote a letter to my young self….here is a small part of it;

Dear little Crystal

There are so many things that I would like you to know.  I wish I could love the little person that you are but I don’t even think I ever got to know you.  You had to grow up so fast and there was never time just to be a little girl….I wish you could have learned early how unique God created you and that He has a special reason for you to be on this earth, maybe if you would have known this you would not have wasted so much of your life feeling sorry for yourself and being angry.  Maybe you could have made more of a difference sooner if you would have let go of all your insecurities sooner, I really wish things could have been different for you.

The big Crystal

All of this is opening up issues, deep dark issues, you know, the kind you do not want anyone to know about that I must deal with and yet all week I have been struggling with wanting to crawl back into the dream world I have been living in.  I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and looking over the edge and trying to decide whether to jump over or not.  I desperately want to not have to deal with the “stuff” but I will never be who God wants me to be until I do and jump off this cliff I am on and have faith that He will take care of me.  I feel so ugly right now and don’t understand why God would even consider using me, I have wasted so much time.   I am so disappointed with myself!

This is a quote from the open hearts book from last week’s lesson “Those who are alive have feelings, emotions and thoughts to deal with.  You may feel more like a sinner now than when you were half dead.  Are you regressing?  No, to feel is to be alive.  Now you have to deal with reality and God.”

To feel is to be alive…I have to find a way to jump off the cliff I am standing on, & when I jump off there will be no going back to the old way of doing things.  Hopefully after I do I will feel better than I do now.

Merry Christmas & a Happy New year!

From our family to yours!

It’s been awhile since I have posted anything and so I thought I would update my blog a little with what is going on in my life.

I am in the process of changing jobs AGAIN!  It’s been a very painful process for me but I don’t regret the last 6 months of this last job because I have learned so much.  I am looking forward to the new job I will be starting on October 27th.  I will be a receptionist at a large truck dealership and I am excited about the possibilities that this new job holds.  Barry & I will be commuting in together because our hours are similar & I work only a few blocks away from where he works so that is going to work out great!

Brandon just finished his first season in football and I have to say that my son looks mighty fine in a footbal uniform.

I was so proud of him and his attitude even though he didn’t get to play allot he kept a positive attitude and the coachs told me how much they enjoyed having him on the team because of his passion for the game.

Cassandra just finished playing Soccer, I don’t have any pictures which is kind of sad because of how Soccer & football clashed I didn’t get to see any of her games but soon basketball will be here and I will get a ton of pictures of my daughter.  She is the type of kid would loves to be involved in sports and I love how she throws everything into her sports.

Next week I will be in Calgary competing in a talent competition and a conference for songwriters & performers.  I am very excited about the possibilities in this competition.  This is an opportunity to meet the movers & shakers in the Gospel music industry and to gain a wealth of knowledge.  I know that I will get some criticism but it will help me to grow as a musician.  I hope to come away knowing if God has a plan for me in the music industry, there is so much involved in being a recording artist and I know that if I go and it doesn’t turn out to well that God is moving me in a different direction.  Your prayers are appreciated though because it will be a little nerve wreaking!

I think that is about it!  That is what is going on in my life in a nutshell, thanks so much for stopping by!

I am going to be taking a break from blogging for a few weeks.  There is so much going on in my life that I just can’t get into but there seems to be less & less time for blogging.

I am heading to Calgary this week for the GMA awards and for a talent competition!  This is really unknown territory for me so your prayers would be appreciated.  This next week I am looking forward to meeting some movers & shakers in the Music industry and to see if God has a plan for me in the music industry.  It’s scary and exciting all in one package!  I know that I will learn so much from this week but there are also allot of unknowns for me too so that is what I am a little nervous about.  Just pray that whatever happens I will trust God’s plan in all of it.

Thank you for stopping by & I pray that all of you will have a blessed Sunday!

Today I have to say I am weary!  I feel like life has beaten me this week and that I have so far to go in the battle to be who God wants me to be.  My character has been questioned, my faith has been tested, and my confidence is gone and all I can do is turn my eyes to heaven and hold on to this verse.

From Matthew 11(NLT)

28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Today this verse was placed as a song in my heart.  I know I have so far to go in being transformed & I know more than ever that I have no idea how to truly follow Christ and the sacrifice that following Him will require.  Romans 7:21-25 says it so much better than I can

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

I know that my only rest can come from HIM & my only comfort is knowing that I don’t have to walk this road alone!

As a side note Pastor Gary & Gord from my church have set up an awesome interactive blog and I think all of you need to check it out.  This is a quote from his last post “Prayer is all about transformation not about things.  Prayer is about character not about desires. Prayer is about being not doing.”

Thanks so much for stopping by!

Today I have to say I am weary!  I feel like life has beaten me this week and that I have so far to go in the battle to be who God wants me to be.  My character has been questioned, my faith has been tested, and my confidence is gone and all I can do is turn my eyes to heaven and hold on to this verse.

From Matthew 11(NLT)

28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Today this verse was placed as a song in my heart.  I know I have so far to go in being transformed & I know more than ever that I have no idea how to truly follow Christ and the sacrifice that following Him will require.  Romans 7:21-25 says it so much better than I can

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

I know that my only rest can come from HIM & my only comfort is knowing that I don’t have to walk this road alone!

As a side note Pastor Gary & Gord from my church have set up an awesome interactive blog and I think all of you need to check it out.  This is a quote from his last post “Prayer is all about transformation not about things.  Prayer is about character not about desires. Prayer is about being not doing.”

Thanks so much for stopping by!

Every Month when we get to In Spirit & In Truth I seem to struggle with what to write.  It’s not like I don’t have lots of stuff to write about but I always wonder what you guys would like to see happen on this day, so today is your chance.  Please feel free to leave comments below on what kind of things you would like to see happen on “In Spirit & In Truth” Sunday.

Hebrews 10:23-25

23 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. 24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. 25 And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Are you a regular reader?  What would encourage you and “spur you on”?  I’d love to hear from you!  Blessings

I’m over at the PMS club today talking about what God created that causes me to worship….Won’t you join me?

There are so many things in my life that I consider blessed by…for me my dogs are high on that list!  This is my littlest 4 legged family member. Abby brings so much joy to my life I cannot even explain it to you.

I believe God created animals for our pleasure and for our companionship.  He knew how hard our lives would be on this earth, He created them to help make our lives bearable when life just doesn’t seem bearable.  I know that there are people out there who do not get this and think that I am a little insane, after all I have 3 dogs, and I would have more if I could have more.

When life get’s rough for me my animals help me cope,  they sense when I am stressed or when I am sick and I can always count on them to provide some comic relief or they will just snuggle up to me as if to say “I’m here for you”!  Many of you have animals and know exactly what I am talking about.  There is something calming about snuggling up to my dogs (when I had cats it was the same).  I know that God created them for my pleasure.

So what part of creation brings you joy & causes you to Worship your creator?

Genesis 1

26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”

27 So God created human beings in his own image.
In the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”

29 Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food.30 And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened.

Thanks for joining me this week!

Blessings

Well this is my first Joyful Journal post…My friend Danielle is hosting this meme so I thought I would join in this week.

• A Memorable Moment this week was when I applied to take part in a talent competition for performing & song writing in October.  This is a huge step out of my comfort zone but I know that I will learn so much.
• I am grateful people who are signing up to be my fans on my Music page on Facebook.  They give me the confidence to keep singing! Check it out…I have FANS! ( I really am totally amazed that people like my singing ))
• I laugh at my kids all the time.  My son who get’s so much joy from tackling the competitor to the ground in football & my daughter who came home from Youth yesterday with a really kooky looking hairstyle.  Apparently the girls did each others hair.
• I remember a friend of mine whose husband was killed in a head on collision last night.  I can’t even imagine the kind of pain & grief they are going through right now.  I am so grateful for my family at a time like this!
• I love the Saturn Vue which I took for a test drive on Saturday.  Hopefully it will be my next vehicle soon!
• I will celebrate that my husband got a pay raise after working at his new job for only 10 months.  I guess they like him over there.
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What could I say about this pic…hmmm let me see:  My hubby, the dogs, camping & the hammock…so many good memories!  My Joyful Pic of the week.

Thanks for stopping by!

I am over at the PMS club today talking about trials & obstacles…will  you join me?