Life’s Frustrations
So today is really not a good day! Things are just piling up for me! The older I get the more I realize that I invest way to much energy into people and they disappoint me every time. I am sure I am not the only one but there is a list of things just bugging me today.
I feel like I am invisible and that there is no one that really cares . I guess I am a little old fashioned when it comes to actually keeping my word. If I say I am going to do something I actually do it but it seems to be a rare quality in people these days.
I feel like I try really hard to be a good friend & stay in touch with people but lately I feel like I could disappear and very few people with the exception of my Mom would notice. We missed church for more than 5 weeks this summer and nobody noticed & that is kind of painful. Then there is a friend of mine who is not a Christian and does not go to church but she misses me & gives me heck if I don’t call her or we don’t talk at least 3 or 4 times a week. Something is wrong with that picture in my eyes when Christians are suppose to be known for their love for one another. But then I think it must be me right? What is wrong with me as a person or even as a friend when the friends I thought I have don’t even notice when I am not around? Am I under a delusion of some kind believing I have friends when I really don’t? Or is it a condition of our society that we don’t invest in peoples lives too much anymore because we are too busy with our own lives and/or don’t care to get involved to deeply for fear of getting hurt. Or is it just me feeling sorry for myself?
I am sure I will get over this at some point but more and more I feel like just packing in all in and disappearing to some corner of the earth. BUT then the cycle would start all over with a whole new set of people who would let me down or hurt me or reject me in some way all over again.
I guess it all comes back to this…we have to choose to keep doing the things we believe are right even when it’s not reciprocated and we have to choose to not dwell on the things that drag us down…but some days it is a really tough job. Today is one of those days for me!
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. “
Phil 4:8
Blessings
Crystal
Crystal, can I say I was out from my church almost 6 months and no one called. Granted our whole church was turned upside down so I was not the only one hurting, but seriously SIX months. But eventually I found my way back God made it clear to me I was not to leave. Did it hurt, sure. But as I look back I see how God was working in MY life to make me a better person, a better friend, etc. I still struggle with friendships at church, but I have to leave that up to the Lord knowing he is in control. I am called to be faithful to Him, he will take care of the rest.
Hugs.
Lori said this on September 28, 2009 at 9:12 am